EDMONTON, AB – The Alberta government has reached a tentative agreement with the federal government on a 10-year, $24-billion health care funding deal, but only if Premier Danielle Smith agrees to unblock Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on social media.

MILAN, ITALY – The Italian government has announced that it will be banning the highly anticipated Super Mario Bros movie after widespread protests. According to a statement from the Ministry of Culture, the decision was made after it was discovered that the film contained content that was deemed insensitive to Italians.

KYIV, UA – In what could be a major diplomatic blunder, President Joe Biden has allegedly forgotten the purpose of his trip to Ukraine, according to sources close to the White House. The President arrived in Kyiv on Monday for what was supposed to be a critical meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida Representative Matt Gaetz recently proposed a “virginity registry” for Florida girls, claiming that the registry would help to reduce teen pregnancies and abortions in the state. According to Gaetz, boys will not be listed on the registry since he is not interested in their virginity status.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Pearl Jam, the legendary rock band known for hits such as "Jeremy" and "Alive," has announced their newest venture: artisanal jams made with real pearls. Yes, you read that correctly. The Seattle-based group is branching out from music to offer their fans a tasty treat with a touch of luxury.