Today, I’m here to address a serious matter that has been infiltrating our homes and social media feeds for far too long. No, I’m not talking about the rise of AI technology or whatever shit the kids are doing on TikTok. I’m talking about something much worse, much more insidious: the evil empire of Mason jars.

Yes, those glass containers that everyone seems to be fawning over. You know, the ones that come in all shapes and sizes, with quirky designs etched into the glass. The jars that are supposed to be great for storing your homemade pickles and jams, but have somehow become a staple in every hipster café and Instagram influencer’s arsenal.

But let’s be real, folks. Mason jars were not meant to be used as cups. They were not designed to hold your morning chai latte, and they certainly weren’t designed to be reused after you’ve finished slurping up your mom’s homemade tomato sauce. Have you ever tried drinking out of a mason jar? It’s awkward and stupid.

First of all, there’s the lid situation. If you’re using old jars that you’ve washed and reused, the lids are probably crusty and covered in dried food particles. And don’t even get me started on the mold that likes to set up camp around the rim. It’s like a scene straight out of a horror movie. The only thing worse than drinking out of a mason jar is drinking out of a mason jar that’s been infested with bacteria.

And what’s with this whole “rustic” and “farmhouse chic” trend that’s taking over our homes? Just because something looks cute on Pinterest doesn’t mean it belongs in your kitchen. Mason jars are not cute. They’re not rustic. They’re a breeding ground for germs and a menace to society! Period.

So, let’s make a pact, people. Let’s banish mason jars to the land of forgotten fads. Let’s toss them in the recycle bin where they belong and use real cups like normal human beings. And if you’re still not convinced, just remember: the only good mason jar is a broken mason jar.