Tucker Carlson, host of the popular Fox News show "Tucker Carlson Tonight," is really mad about something and you're going to hear about it.
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Tucker Carlson, host of the popular Fox News show "Tucker Carlson Tonight," is really mad about something and you're going to hear about it.

When asked why he had become so riled up, Carlson was unable to provide a clear answer. “I’m just so mad,” he said. “I can feel it. It’s like a burning anger that consumes me, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what I’m mad about. But I know one thing: I’m mad.”

Despite his inability to pinpoint the source of his frustration, Carlson was certain of one thing: he was going to take it out on someone. “I don’t care who it is,” he said. “Liberal, Democrat, left-wing, progressive, black, gay, female, Jew, Muslim. If they cross me, they’re gonna feel the wrath of my righteous indignation.”

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Some have speculated that Carlson’s anger may stem from recent events in the political landscape. “Given the recent shitshow that was the House Speaker election, he has plenty to complain about,” said one Fox News insider. “But who knows with Tucker. He could be mad about something as small as a misprinted label on his favorite brand of ketchup. It’s really anyone’s guess.”

Others have suggested that Carlson’s anger may be the result of personal issues. “He’s always been a bit of a hothead,” said a former colleague who requested anonymity. “I remember one time he got so mad at a waiter for bringing him the wrong salad dressing, he threw his plate across the room. It’s just how he operates.”

If they cross me, they’re gonna feel the wrath of my righteous indignation.

Tucker Carlson

Despite the various theories floating around about the cause of Carlson’s anger, the man himself remains tight-lipped. “I don’t have to explain myself to anyone,” he said. “I’m mad and that’s all there is to it. And when I figure out what I’m mad about, you better believe I’m gonna let everyone know about it on my show.”

When asked if he had considered seeking professional help to deal with his anger issues, Carlson chuckled. “Professional help? Ha! I am the professional. I am the one who dispenses wisdom and truth to the masses. I don’t need help. Also, it’s a great way to boost ratings.”

As of press time, Carlson was still pacing and muttering, with no sign of resolving his anger. One can only assume that whatever he’s mad about, it must be really, really big.

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In the meantime, Carlson’s staff have reportedly been walking on eggshells around the office, trying their best to avoid setting off their volatile boss. “It’s like a minefield around here,” said one employee. “You never know when you’re going to say the wrong thing and trigger an explosion. It’s a very tense atmosphere.”

Despite the chaos that seems to follow Carlson wherever he goes, his fans remain loyal. “I love Tucker,” said one viewer. “He’s always so passionate and full of energy. Even when he’s mad and yelling, you can tell he really cares about what he’s talking about. He’s also doing a great job of owning the libs.”

Regardless of the reason for his outrage, it seems that Carlson’s anger will continue to be a staple of his nightly show.

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