In a move that has left many parents concerned, Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz announced his intention to launch his very own all-girls high school.
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In a move that has left many parents concerned, Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz announced his intention to launch his very own all-girls high school.

The school, which will be called “The Gaetz Academy for Young Ladies, Preferably Under the Age of 18” will focus on traditional family values, proper decorum for young women, and how to travel across state lines to have sex with a congressman. Allegedly.

According to Gaetz, the curriculum at the academy will include classes such as “How to Look Good in Orange”, “The Art of Tweeting Insensitive Remarks” and “Avoiding Federal Investigations 101”. The school will also offer an elective class on “How to Survive a Scandal” in which Gaetz plans to share his personal tips and tricks on how to come out unscathed from any scandal.

The school’s physical education program will be replaced with classes such as “The Art of Bending Over” and “The Science of Accomplishing Nothing”. The school will also have a dress code that requires students to wear only short skirts, something the congressman said will be strictly enforced.

I have always been a strong advocate for young women.

Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz

When asked about the lack of diversity and inclusivity at the school, Gaetz stated, “We want to maintain a certain standard of excellence at The Gaetz Academy for Young Ladies, Preferably Under the Age of 18. And let’s just say that not everyone can meet that standard, but if they can pass my personal smell test, they’re in!”

Critics have raised concerns about the congressman’s qualifications to run a school, but Gaetz dismissed these concerns, stating “I have always been a strong advocate for young women. I believe that with my guidance and leadership, these young ladies will become the epitome of grace, poise, and conservative values.”

The Gaetz Academy for Young Ladies, Preferably Under the Age of 18 is set to open its doors in the fall of 2024, and applications are currently being accepted. But be warned, only the most adventurous and daring young ladies need apply.

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